Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she pinky promised me she was 18
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I see more hoeing in ur future
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