Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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