Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
