So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My balls are so social today.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
