The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
