She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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