Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He passed out mid-signature
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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