Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
