and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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