Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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