i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
