you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
