I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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