I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
