Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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