How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
