so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
