she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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