ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
