I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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