goodnight i made you a song goodbye
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
