I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
