NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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