If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
