Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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