I puked a lego.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
