Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
