walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
