Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
