so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
