Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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