My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
