I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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