I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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