Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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