It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
