If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Found the puke drawer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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