I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
how drunk are you?
Several
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
