Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
