there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
