My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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