So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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