You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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