Girls should come with a carfax report
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
