I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
