I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
