Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
