So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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