I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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