every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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