I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
