Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
