so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
