you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
