Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
