I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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