I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
