I think I died a long time ago.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
