Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
