it wasn't lemon gatorade
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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