You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
