whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
